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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sunday Night Reflections

This is a piece I found some years ago. Where I found it or how it came to me is completely lost and even worse, I have no idea who wrote it. It's beautiful though and something that should be shared. I hope that you'll enjoy it.

The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. "You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954." "It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!" I slapped it into my suitcase before she could object.
The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.
The next year I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant fifteen years earlier.
That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings that the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.
The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set.
On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.
In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a  deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, "So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up." I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.
Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer. Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later, I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words, "I Belong To Pat." No to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I Belong To Pat's Mother." But I didn't stop there. I zigzagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, Virginia. We enclosed an official looking letter from, "The Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it.
Two years later in 1978 I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: "Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother.
That night, I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: "I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give you isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me."
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57. I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for sixteen years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.  



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8 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this. I grieved this past week for the 6th anniversary of my mother's death. She taught me how to sew, was my #1 cheerleader, and loved yellow roses. This was a wonderful reminder that while I miss her terribly, I'm so very blessed to have had such an amazing mother. I've read this before, I think it was a back page essay in Threads magazine years ago...

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    1. I am so happy that this had some meaning for you.
      I have no idea where I found this. I did do a little research and it is on the web, but says anonymous for the author. That's what makes me question Threads as they would not post something from an anonymous person. So who knows, it's a lovely piece.

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  2. Oh Rhonda!. This has made me cry. It is such a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing.

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  3. How sweet. Wish I had a relationship like that with my Mother. Thanks for posting it.
    Hugs, Joy

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  4. I should have known better than to read your inspirations while at the office, I'm crying too.
    Mothers are the most amazing gifts and I deeply miss mine. They are always taken too soon.

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  5. Rhonda, I really appreciate your Sunday Night Reflection posts, even when it's Wednesday evening before I get to read it. Thank you. This one is especially touching. Those of us who didn't have the mother we might have longed for -- we can be that mother to the young women and girls in our lives. {{{Hugs}}}

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