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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Seeing With New Eyes


For someone who loves to write, words sometimes seem not to exist. 

First and foremost, I want to thank all of you who have sent such lovely, heartfelt notes. I can assure you that they have been read, and greatly appreciated.

It's interesting how the events of life can affect us. Over the last 5 months, I have come to realize that events that may have happened 40 years ago, can come back and teach us very important lessons about who we really are.  

Over the last 5 months, I have been confronted with things I could never have imagined. I have been shocked, brokenhearted, afraid, tormented, and angry. Just to give you an idea of what happened, back in November, I spoke with a friend who is an attorney, an attorney who felt he had heard everything, that is, until I told him my story. It was he who told me that I MUST report this person. He has since told me that in all his years, he has never been as shocked. 

When I made the report, I felt as though I was David going up against Goliath. Actually, that story gave me the mental strength I needed  to stand up. After the report was made, I had a sense of relief, like it was all over, but I really didn't expect what came later. As the weeks went on, and seemingly nothing being done, I grew all the more angry. But finally, just a little over a week ago, I learned that the situation was being handled as it should be. Without thinking, I told my husband that for the first time in months, I felt that I could breathe. When I said those words, I realized just how paralyzed, just how devastated I have felt. 

Life can be like an angry ocean, disturbed by a storm. One wave comes crashing in, and before you can pick yourself up, another comes crashing in on top of you, and then another, and another. Finally, I knew that I just had to be quiet for some time. 

A few weeks back, I spoke with a friend and told her that I had nothing to give. I was tired. In her very sweet manner, she encouraged me, softly, gently. She reminded me that my blog is entitled Rhonda's Creative Life. It's not just a sewing blog, or a cooking blog, or a writing blog, it's a blog about living a creative life. She said that while at the time, my naming the blog as I did may have seemed like a declaration, stepping out from the shadows and declaring that yes, my life is creative, she said that it was no accident. "Take it one step at a time, just post what is on your heart, one post at a time, and in time, your strength will return." She went on to tell me that from the messages she has read, she feels that I have no idea of the lives that I have touched. I hope that is true. 

Many of you may know that I am an early riser, usually up between 5 and 5:30 every morning. I love the early morning hours. I make a cup of tea, then make my way to my favorite spot in the house, and begin to write. What began years ago as a task has now become an integral part of my day. Without those early morning moments, when I am alone, where I can think, where I can cry, where I can find joy, my day is just not the same. And, it is there that I have found comfort, rest, and healing. It's there that I have begun to see myself with new eyes, or maybe...just a little more clearly. 

I love the mental image of a phoenix rising from the ashes. It's how I feel at the moment, burned wings, struggling to fly. Thank you again to all of you who stop by, who encourage. I know my wings will heal and that in time, I will fly again. 



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Sunday, February 11, 2018