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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Seeing With New Eyes


For someone who loves to write, words sometimes seem not to exist. 

First and foremost, I want to thank all of you who have sent such lovely, heartfelt notes. I can assure you that they have been read, and greatly appreciated.

It's interesting how the events of life can affect us. Over the last 5 months, I have come to realize that events that may have happened 40 years ago, can come back and teach us very important lessons about who we really are.  

Over the last 5 months, I have been confronted with things I could never have imagined. I have been shocked, brokenhearted, afraid, tormented, and angry. Just to give you an idea of what happened, back in November, I spoke with a friend who is an attorney, an attorney who felt he had heard everything, that is, until I told him my story. It was he who told me that I MUST report this person. He has since told me that in all his years, he has never been as shocked. 

When I made the report, I felt as though I was David going up against Goliath. Actually, that story gave me the mental strength I needed  to stand up. After the report was made, I had a sense of relief, like it was all over, but I really didn't expect what came later. As the weeks went on, and seemingly nothing being done, I grew all the more angry. But finally, just a little over a week ago, I learned that the situation was being handled as it should be. Without thinking, I told my husband that for the first time in months, I felt that I could breathe. When I said those words, I realized just how paralyzed, just how devastated I have felt. 

Life can be like an angry ocean, disturbed by a storm. One wave comes crashing in, and before you can pick yourself up, another comes crashing in on top of you, and then another, and another. Finally, I knew that I just had to be quiet for some time. 

A few weeks back, I spoke with a friend and told her that I had nothing to give. I was tired. In her very sweet manner, she encouraged me, softly, gently. She reminded me that my blog is entitled Rhonda's Creative Life. It's not just a sewing blog, or a cooking blog, or a writing blog, it's a blog about living a creative life. She said that while at the time, my naming the blog as I did may have seemed like a declaration, stepping out from the shadows and declaring that yes, my life is creative, she said that it was no accident. "Take it one step at a time, just post what is on your heart, one post at a time, and in time, your strength will return." She went on to tell me that from the messages she has read, she feels that I have no idea of the lives that I have touched. I hope that is true. 

Many of you may know that I am an early riser, usually up between 5 and 5:30 every morning. I love the early morning hours. I make a cup of tea, then make my way to my favorite spot in the house, and begin to write. What began years ago as a task has now become an integral part of my day. Without those early morning moments, when I am alone, where I can think, where I can cry, where I can find joy, my day is just not the same. And, it is there that I have found comfort, rest, and healing. It's there that I have begun to see myself with new eyes, or maybe...just a little more clearly. 

I love the mental image of a phoenix rising from the ashes. It's how I feel at the moment, burned wings, struggling to fly. Thank you again to all of you who stop by, who encourage. I know my wings will heal and that in time, I will fly again. 



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24 comments:

  1. So glad to hear that all is okay with you and that you have had your burden removed. Upwards and onwards. Xx

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  2. Do what you need to do - we will all be here when you are ready. Thinking good thoughts for you.

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  3. Sending you hugs and positive energy.

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  4. I wish you all the best. Sending good vibes your way!

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  5. *hugs* and love.

    God’s joy is our strength.

    ~Kelley

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  6. A hug from Derbyshire, England xo

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  7. It's good to hear from you; take whatever time you need to "heal." You will be stronger in the end--just like the saying, "what doesn't kill you......" Take care of you!

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  8. You are so kind and have helped me grow, endure and see things in new light far beyond just sewing. Praying for comfort and healing

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  9. Here is a poem by John O’Donoghue an Irish writer. It is called Beannacht which is Irish for blessing.

    Beannacht

    On the day when
    the weight deadens
    on your shoulders
    and you stumble,
    may the clay dance
    to balance you.

    And when your eyes
    freeze behind
    the grey window
    and the ghost of loss
    gets into you,
    may a flock of colours,
    indigo, red, green
    and azure blue,
    come to awaken in you
    a meadow of delight.

    When the canvas frays
    in the currach of thought
    and a stain of ocean
    blackens beneath you,
    may there come across the waters
    a path of yellow moonlight
    to bring you safely home.

    May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
    may the clarity of light be yours,
    may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
    may the protection of the ancestors be yours.

    And so may a slow
    wind work these words
    of love around you,
    an invisible cloak
    to mind your life.

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    1. This is so very beautiful! Thank you 😊

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  10. It is through community that we find our strength. I am glad that you were so well supported when you finally decided to act on this burden you had been carrying.

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  11. It's interesting that for so many of us, words and actions come easily when we rush to defend or support others, but when we ourselves are hurting, the instinct is to become silent and curl up into a ball of armor.

    While I am sad and sick that this thing happened, I am incredibly happy that your soul is able to speak again.

    Thank you for letting us all know that you are coming back. :)

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  12. May God strengthen you during this difficult time.

    Marie

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  13. Many hugs to you, Rhonda, with wishes and prayers for you to find comfort and strength.

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  14. Time is a healer, especially now that you've been heard. Take your time and let go of the expectations that have previously been your life song. I too have been through a peronal struggle of the same intensity the last two years so am a little in front of you. Take care of you, and lean on the one that knows you most. (hoping you're not angry at God)

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    1. Thank you Joyce 😊 The best part of all that has happened is that my faith has grown stronger.

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  15. Love & hugs from Atlantic Canada.

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  16. Wanted to let you know I FINALLY made the I-pad stand you posted some time ago. Thank you for the link to the original pattern as well as your "tweeks" that I also used. I will try to get a photo on my blog soon--I've been neglecting the blog :(
    As always, thanks for sharing!

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    1. I think you are going to find that it’s one of your favorite items. I love mine. Just the perfect thing for listening to podcasts, videos, and audio books. I’ll be watching to see yours 😊

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  17. Happy Lunar New Year! Sending Light for the highest good.

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  18. It's frustrating when nothing appears to be happening to right a wrong but sometimes things need to be done unseen. I'm so glad that you are feeling 'lighter' now, and hope the sensation continues to grow 😘.

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  19. Love & prayers to a beautiful person -

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  20. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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