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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Cracking The Shell

A few weeks ago, Sew Sister of http://eastgatehill.blogspot.com/2013/07/sewing-in-70s.html did a very interesting post that spurred me to do a lot of thinking. This is the comment that touched off so many thoughts, 
"Do you call the 70's vintage? There aren't  too many photos of me in clothes I made myself. I used to hate people asking me did I sew my outfit? I always pretended I didn't. Before I wore my sewn clothes I always washed them so they they looked worn...Crazy really, but I think I equated home sewn clothes with being poor 'you couldn't afford to buy shop bought ones' also I hated the attention!"

I have sewn since I was a child. By the time I was five years old, my grandmother had an embroidery needle in my hand, and quite honestly, I loved it. Actually, I loved being with her, so it really didn't matter what I was doing, but needlework did come easily to me.
My mother did do some sewing for me when she could, but, most of my clothes were passed along to me, or came from a barrel at the mission center. I remember very few of my clothes, a piece here or there. The pieces I remember the most were the garments that I absolutely hated having to wear. Either they didn't fit, they were too long, or, at least in my mind, ugly. 
By the time I was a teenager, I had mastered sewing enough that I could make my clothes. To pay for fabric, I babysat(to the tune of $1.00 an hour!!!!, oh the good ol' days), or I knitted scarf, hat and mitten sets. As long as I was able to cover the cost of my yarn and have a few extra dollars, I felt like I was doing pretty good. Looking back, I probably made about ten cents an hour on those sets, but it helped me to afford what I really wanted. I cut grass and I also sold greeting cards door to door. Like Sew Sister, I too equated my sewing as just being too poor to afford the clothes that the other girls could go out and buy. Rather than tell the world that I made what I was wearing, I preferred to just keep that information to myself. The other girls at school knew that I sewed as we all took Home Ec classes together and sadly there were times  when I was talked about and laughed at. My feelings were deeply hurt. Today we would call it being bullied. My feelings of insecurity though started many years before I was able to do that much sewing. I think, I hope, that parents mean well with statements that they make to their children, but it can so easily happen that a statement made in haste can cause years of damage to a creative soul. 
Fast forward many years, I met and married my husband. We had wanted to start a family right away, but sadly, I miscarried. I was so very depressed. My husband asked what I would really like to do. That was easy, I had always wanted to have the opportunity to go to design school. He said, "so you will." I was in heaven. I graduated at the top of my class and won quite a few awards and scholarships. After I graduated, I worked for a dress manufacturer as an assistant designer. From there I did costume design work and taught. I spent time working in the costume department at the Chicago History Museum and ultimately designed and made wedding gowns for about twelve years. All along, I would rarely tell anyone that I sewed. Clients were referred to me by a friend who worked at a high end fabric store and then by past clients.  My husband and I would attend a party and from time to time someone would comment on how much they liked what I was wearing and my response was always a simple thank you, nothing more. My husband would ask me why I wouldn't say that I had made my garment. I just couldn't. By this time I could afford to buy my clothes, I just preferred to make them, but old ghosts die very hard and shells can become quite thick.  
A few years ago at the insistence of the acupuncturist that I see, I opened my blog. I have said before that when I started I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or what I wanted to write about. It didn't take long for very old dreams to rise back to the surface. Then a friend of mine encouraged me to enter a contest. She felt that I had the ability to win. That was the Passion For Fashion Contest held by the American Sewing Expo. Not only did I not win, I wasn't even in the top six. I felt like a failure(old ghosts) and cried through every mile of my five hour drive home. There was no way I was going to put myself through that again. But then one day, a lovely lady who follows this blog sent a message and although these are not the words she used, the essence was, "I believe in you." I shared this with my acupuncturist and she encouraged me to give it another try. As the time grew closer and closer, I felt more and more like backing out. The thought of, "what if you fail again?" ran over and over through my mind. Along side that thought ran, "but what if you win?" But what if you win won the battle and I once again tried, and once again, I didn't win, nor did I place in the top three, but in my heart I won the best award and that was the audience choice award. When I drove home, I didn't know that I had won this award, but I was in a better and stronger place. Yes, I wished I had been recognized, but I didn't shed tears :) I knew that I had done my best and a few of those old ghosts took their leave. 
Since then I've grown stronger and dared to try. A few days ago I was catching up on some old magazines and I came across this ad in the Sew News magazine,
and the thought hit me, "you were the winner!" Rather than the winner just being a face that is unknown to me....it's my face!!! Incredible!! And once again, it wouldn't have happened without such an incredible out pouring of help from all of you. 
And then there was this, 
That's my garment!!!! It all seems so surreal. I took a chance and dared to try once again, and look what happened!! Actually, so much more has happened but I just can't share it with you quite yet. Soon though, soon :)
Once again, I decided to take a chance. I sent in a garment for the preliminary judging and I was chosen as one of the twelve finalist for this year's Passion For Fashion Contest. If I'm honest, yes, thoughts that I refuse to give a voice to have made their way into my mind. But when they do, I quickly voice over them with something positive.
Me Made May had a very interesting affect on me in many ways. The day that I wore this dress, it was
to attend a luncheon. I was asked, "whose dress is this?" I knew full well what she meant and quite honestly I was shocked that she would think that it was a designer piece. I replied, "it's mine."  She replied, "oh Rhonda, I know it's your dress, but who is the designer?" And I quietly replied, "me." This lady went on to tell I think, just about everyone there that day that I had designed and made my dress. No bullying, no ugly remarks, just awe. And a few more ghosts took their leave.
I've learned that a thick shell may seem to protect us, but in the end, a seed can only grow if the shell is removed. Thank you to all of you who have been a part of cracking the shell.
Rhonda



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35 comments:

  1. What a lovely, heartfelt post, Rhonda...thank you for sharing this with us.

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  2. You are beautiful and such a bright light. Thank you for sharing that story, it means a lot to me.

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  3. Oh, Rhonda! What a beautiful, inspiring post!

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  4. Thank you, beautiful lady, for sharing your inspiring and deeply personal journey! You are SUCH a winner in my eyes - my jaw continually drops at all of the ideas you are continually coming up with - and SHARING so generously!

    May the ghosts that make you feel smaller continue to be shed, so that you can own the real size of your talent! Hugs and thanks to you for all you are, and all you share.

    (P.S. - don't forget to thank those ghosts as they leave - they helped make you who you are - an incredibly talented designer with a huge and generous heart, and the sort of humility that makes you so approachable)! Here are some hugs and appreciation for everything that makes you you :)

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  5. What an inspiring post. Thank you so much for sharing. It brought back many memories from my past as well. My mother made my clothes for me when I was very little and it was at a time when money was tight as well. I learned to sew in home economics as well and loved it. When I started sew again a few years back, my mother actually asked me if I couldn't afford to buy my clothes and I replied nicely,"no I just don't like the cheap made/looking and overpriced clothes they are selling in the store. I know I can do better than that. Plus it helps to keep my stress level down.

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  6. P.S. I have a major sewing project I'm working on that hopefully should be finished this weekend. It better be, I'm wearing it Sunday. I've got fabric prepped for the pillowcases but need the address as to where to send them. =) You can email me at yarngirl67@yahoo.com

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  7. You are such an inspiration! Thank-you for sharing.

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  8. Oh my goodness! What a beautiful and heartfelt story. When I was in my 20's, I did not have much skill, so my stuff looked homemade (that becomes an ugly word when you refer to sewing). I admire your skills and your honesty. Why do we hesitate to say "I made this"? I feel like people will immediately start looking for flaws. If I wore a $10 dress from Walmart, no one would say a word. I returned to sewing when I stopped working. A 'concerned' friend assumed my money is short because 'she's making her own clothes now'. Why can't I just express myself creatively and enjoy the craft? Thank you for posting this story. As a fellow sewist, I will continue to sharpen my skills and hold my head up a little higher.

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  9. Thank you for writing your story! I can relate to many parts of it (until you entered contests!!). Congratulations on all of your successes!

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  10. Thank you Rhonda, for putting into words how I have felt for so long. Like you, for many years I equated home sewing with being 'poor' and for many years saw myself as less than adequate because of my home sewn wardrobe. Even now, after all these years and dozens of sewn projects later I still occasionally feel shy and hesitant when asked if I 'made' my outfit. I almost feel as if I should apologize for wearing my creations. Your blog has helped me to realize that my sewing is something to be proud of and to wear my home sewn wardrobe with pride. So thank you again for all of your hard work on this blog, and hold your head high and be proud of your fabulous hand sewn wardrobe!

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  11. Rhonda, thank you so much for posting this - you are a treasure.

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  12. Oh Rhonda, I can so relate to your story! And I still have such a hard time saying that I sew outside of a very small group of people. Thanks for giving voice to what so many of us go through.

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  13. A wonderful post, Rhonda! You can definitely accomplish whatever you set your mind to!!

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  14. As I read your post I could feel your pain, the thoughts of never being a winner, never being good enough. I have, as I am sure many others have, felt all of those things. You have inspired me to hold to my dreams, keep plugging at it, winning or losing. Dreams do come true!

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  15. Some of the most beautiful and rare plants develop from seeds that take a long, long time to germinate. Like these beauties, you've maintained your essence through drought and bad times until conditions were right to bloom and flourish.

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  16. Some of the most beautiful and rare plants take a long, long time to bloom.

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  17. Hi Rhonda, thank you for mentioning me...Also thank you for sharing your story you are so talented it's funny how ghosts from the past haunt us. Your sewing is just fantastic I only wish I could do half as much as well as you do :)

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  18. I certainly appreciated your post Rhonda, as I still have many demons to deal with - I think many of us do, so thank you for sharing your story with us - walls are meant to be climbed over not meant to imprison us, and it looks as though you slowly climbed over yours.

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  19. Wow, but you are so fabulous. Isn't it sad that you could think that your "home mades" weren't good enough. I'm glad the tide has turned and your creativity is being appreciated.

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  20. What a beautiful post, Rhonda! I do the same thing, simply replying "It's custom" because I don't feel like explaining, and many people around us just don't get the whole idea of making your own stuff...

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  21. Rhonda, you are such an inspiration - I too was thrilled to see your garment on the brochure cover, and your name on the PFF finalist list. Congratulations, and thank you for sharing this wonderful post with us all. Stand proudly and let the world know that you are a great designer! I'll be rooting for you -

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  22. Oh Rhonda! Thank you for this . What a lovely story. I,too,wore hand-me-downs and refashined clothes my poor mother slaved over. n my case,however, I don't remember friends or classmates making fun or criticizing. I guess I was lucky that many in my home town were in the same boat as me or were just plain too nice to say anything. As I grew into a teenager and made the few clothes I could afford to buy fabric for, I was known as the girl who makes her own clothes and I think admired for it.At 65 years old. I'm still talked about as a talented seamstress and even designer of my own clothes and am always surprised that people notice me. We are so lucky, aren't we Rhonda. to have this special gift that brings us so much fulfillment and joy! God Bless you.

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  23. Rhonda, I admire you so much; thank you for writing this tender and strong post. I have also appreciated all of the comments. You have a very smart acupuncturist, encouraging you to start a blog! Congratulations to you for every contest you've entered. I've never even entered anything in our local county fair (although I've thought about it) because I think the last thing I need is for someone I don't even know to point out the flaws in something I've made. Oh and bye-bye shells; thanks for helping me to become the person I am! Rhonda, you inspire me!

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  24. Rhonda, you are such a swan! I am so grateful for your blog, and appreciate all the creativity and beauty that you share with the world. I just wish I had the time to try more of your ideas that you so generously share with us.

    We have probably all gone through phases where we don't want to "come clean" about our home-sewn wardrobe. I am quite fortunate that my family brags about their mom-made clothes and wear them proudly. They were telling people they were homemade long before I fessed up to wearing me-made clothing!

    Thanks for bringing us all together!
    Susie

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  25. What lovely words, Rhonda, and thank you for writing from your heart. I feel like I "know you" a little better now :-) I was SO EXCITED to see that you are participating in the Passion for Fashion again this year, as that is where we got to meet face-to-face last year. I'll be there again, rooting you on! And glad those old ghosts of self-doubt have left the premises!!! You are an inspiration.....

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  26. Thanks so much for posting, Rhonda. It's amazing to someone who doesn't know you (me) that someone with so many talents (you) could ever have doubts. I guess it makes us all human, I guess. I was really touched by your post, and hope you know that you have a huge number of admirers out here. And thank you so much for posting so many beautiful, inspirational designs. I just love what you do!

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  27. Thank you so much for sharing, you have so gracefully express the feeling that I have felt for years. I also started sewing at a young age and underestimated this gift that was given to me. This statement is so profound " A thick shell may seem to protect us, but in the end, a seed can only grow if the shell is removed." Keep sewing and keep inspiring others with your fashions.

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  28. Thank you for sharing your story with us Rhonda. I am sure lots of us will relate to a lot of your youthful experience - and it is wonderful to have such a shining example to aspire to.
    Well done.

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  29. This was a lovely post I'm so glad you shared it. Like you and many so many others, I have in the past hid the fact that I sew. Only now am I getting used to saying "I made this" or "I sew." There are still parts of my brain that cringe when I say it and hold my breath waiting for someone's response, hoping it isn't negative. I like your shell analogy and I feel as though I am starting to come out of mine. Thanks for posting. :)

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  30. You are such an inspiration to so many people, from all different backgrounds around the globe. So from over this side of 'the pond', thankyou for sharing your story...J

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  31. Not only do you sew like a dream, you write pretty damn good too. I had tears in my eyes while reading this.

    I was around in the seventies and although I didn't sew then, I remember girls at school who did, and as crazy as it seems now, the common opinion was that they were poor. I had forgotten all about that time.

    Great post and thank you for sharing your story.

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  32. Rhonda, I am not sure I can say anything that hasn't been said already in the wonderful comments above! You are amazing and talented in so many ways, and you must have some major great karma for all the good you put out into the world. You've peaked my curiosity about what has happened that you cannot yet share....hmmm!

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  33. I've wanted to thank you for your blog in general, for sharing so many of your garments. It is quite inspiring. I never knew all of the background behind your blogging, as I have only been following a few months. But really, thank you so much for sharing so much.

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  34. This post brought tears to my eyes, as it brought back so many feelings of inadequacy in high school. I had the good fortune to attend a private Catholic high school that was the continuation of the grade school for which my parents scrimped and saved, so I could attend. I won a full scholarship to the high school. While I cannot say we were poor, we certainly did not hacve a family income equal to perhaps 28 of the other 29 with whom I attended high school. I was never so grateful for a uniform but, despite the uniform, there was one girl, a year ahead of me, who tormented me throughout all four years. I can truly say she was the only bad point about the student body but it was enough to make me think of reasons why I did not want to go to school on many days. On the days when we did not have to wear uniforms, I always worried about who would say something about my wardrobe that could not compare to theirs. Those feelings of being lacking somehow have always stayed with me and now at 66, I doubt I will ever be able to shake them. I am so glad for all the good that has come to you and pray it has validated you, to you. God bless. I am so very proud of your accomplishments,.

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  35. I don't guess I ever felt poor because of my homemade clothes. My mother sewed for all 3 of us girls from when we were born. She ALWAYS told us that the clothes she made were MADE WAY BETTER than store bought clothes. If someone -- knowing my Mother had made her outfit -- told her that it "looks store bought", she would LOUDLY say, "Don't INSULT my skills!" It used to embarrass me so much. I KNEW the person meant it as a compliment. My Mother was an excellent seamstress, but she kind of went the other way on her assessment of it, lol. She made me very nice pant/top oufits for church camp one year. I remember them still. I LOVED them. I didn't start sewing until I left home and had a child of my own to sew for. Loved reading your story.
    Hugs, Joy

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